सामने दीवार थी खुद्दारियों की 

वर्ना रस्ते प्यार के पुरख़म नहीं थे...

Suddenly recalled these lines written by late Sudarshan Fakir while reading an interesting post written on similar subject before a couple of days. And somehow since then some clumsy thoughts keep popping up in mind time and again. 

What selfless love means? 

Well.. there can't be any fixed definition of love even. And still, one of the most cherished exegeses is of course, "ek aag ka dariya hai... " by Jigar Moradabadi.

One more similar verse comes to mind  from classic Gujarati literature also!

Kavi Preetam Das had written in one of his  Bhajans in 17th century  - 

प्रेम ग्रंथ पावक नी ज्वाळा, भाळी पाछा भागे जो ने... 

मांही पड्या ते महासुख पामे देखणहारा दाझे जो ने.. ! 

Means the path of love is covered with the flames of fire. There are ones who run away by just catching a sight of it. Who have already jumped inside are getting sheer bliss and solace and the ones watching it from outside are burning! 

Hundreds, or perhaps thousands of lines are written by Hindi films lyricists confirming the same thought. Burning is inevitable at some or other point. But just as Shailendra writes, even if your 'right' brain keeps stoping.. 

मत खेल..

मत खेल...

मत खेल जल जाएगी... 

कहती है आग मेरे मन की.. 

a lovelorn heart still jumps inside saying..

मैं बंदिनी पिया की मैं संगिनी हूं साजन की..

or as Anand Bakshi writes, 

शमा कहे परवाने से अरे चला जा

मेरी तरह जल जाएगा यहां नहीं आ..

still ultimately...

वो नहीं सुनता उसको जल जाना होता है..! 

What makes one to take this bull by horns? What makes one to merge all the dreams and desires into someone else's? What makes one surrender every thought or feel that can be written by using 'self' as prefix? And the most important question - to what extent? Is it actually possible to dissolve 'self' absolutely in this process? Well.. the answers would be as subjective as the definition of love that varies from person to person. Sometimes, it's - No. 

So! does that means there wasn't any love there? Well..  It could be like..  

है नाम होंठों में अब भी लेकिन

आवाज़ में पड़ गई दरारें.. 

And what if it is other way around? Means that person is having no  self-respect (khuddariyan) at all? No! Sometimes love makes a person so vulnerable. I think it's not always about the person. It's sometimes about the situation. Sometimes we don't value a person who's with us. It's not someone's love or efforts but loosing them and then longing makes one realise the value of any relationship. Yes! खो जाए तो सोना है.. 

Like Sahir writes for a moment full of devil-may-care attitude 

जो मिल गया उसी को मुकद्दर समझ लिया

जो खो गया मैं उसको भूलाता चला गया.. 

And for the same film, for very next song, Sahir says on behalf of the same person..

हम तो समझे थे कि हम भूल गए हैं उनको

क्या हुआ आज ये किस बात पे रोना आया.. ! 

Majrooh also confirms it by writing... 

हमें तो यही था ग़ुरुर..  ग़म ए यार हैं हमसे दूर.. 

वही ग़म जिसे हमने किस किस जतन से 

निकाला था इस दिल से दूर..  

वो चलके क़यामत की चाल आ गया

हुई शाम उनका ख़याल आ गया.. 

And those two songs written by Rajinder Krishan, that inginted the whole chain of thoughts today, after reading Deepa 's post. A huge favourite duet from Bharosa.  

When it is proposed, 

कभी कभी ऐसे भी आया करो

चाँद निकले तो घर जाया करो.. ,

you actually love to listen the reply from a simple village girl from 60s.. 

आयेंगे जायेंगे मरज़ी से हम 

प्यार है तो नाज़ भी उठाया करो.. 😁👌🏼

And then.. at a moment of longing... 

her lonely heart cries saying.. 

रहने दे मुझ को अपने क़दमों की ख़ाक बनकर

जो नहीं तुझे गवारा मुझे ख़ाक में मिला दे... 

So! One should offer everything including self-worth as an oblation to the holy fire of love? Or should keep everything intact by sparing self from this burning? 

An answer from Gulzar's pen has remained so comforting to me at all stages of life. 

मैं छाँव छाँव चला था अपना बदन बचा कर

के रूह को एक खूबसूरत जिस्म दे दूँ

न कोई सिलवट न दाग़ कोई

न धुप झुलसे, न चोट खाये

न ज़ख्म छुए , न दर्द पहुंचे

बस एक कोरी कुंवारी सुबह का जिस्म पहना दूँ रूह को मैं

मगर तपी जब दोपहर दर्दों की ,दर्द की धुप से जो गुज़रा

तो रूह को छाँव मिल गयी है

अजीब है दर्द और तस्कीं का साँझा रिश्ता

मिलेगी छाँव तो बस कहीं धुप मैं मिलेगी....!!